Lately

She can tell me she hasn’t read any of my blogs or posts – as long as she tells me one day she plans to see them all.

Lately I feel like the past I left in my fast life is catching up with me. I freeze frame every moment, every second- like I did a crime that left me to be haunted by the ghosts of our pasts. I did not know what I had till I lost it, but I have realized that I didn’t give her everything- I made her my everything. Home is where the heart is, talk about being homeless.

It’s funny to think of it all- how she would always complain; being sad that she was a hopeless romantic. Now you leave me a hopeful cynic- up to now you confuse my thoughts and words. But it’s like the moment I saw my mother cry; I stood up and realized I had a massive deadline of goals. I hate the fact that my mom still has to work when I promised her better days when we left him. Maybe it’s the pressure for success but no man on this earth is born Mr. Right. I’d rather make mistakes than to fake perfection. Truth is- since she left, they all became the same. Seems we both avoided going through what we could have gone through together. Love is like a kaleidoscope – she shone so bright she left me blinded. I still got proof of our past, like parking tickets- tell your man not to try find me. Now my name and love in the same sentence sound like a tongue twister, is that the definition of leaving someone speechless?

I don’t hate him. Like medicine; what I went through was necessary. Seems I’m always tempted to blame him for any wrong I see in me. I got his temper without the bottle. I’m hooked on words- guess that’s why I feel like all I say is a chorus. I’m done always speaking; now I will act like I’m from Hollywood. I can’t be a skydiver when I’m flying to the moon. Guess I must be blunt and lay it out in the open, can we say that’s pointless?